He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
