just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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