you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
