Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
