why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
