I could have mohawked her pubes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
