Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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