What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
