Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
