So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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