Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
