bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
