playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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