I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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