you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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