i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
