Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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