Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
