My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
