Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
