but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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