based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
