Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
