the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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