Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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