im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
