I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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