Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
