Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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