1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
