What did we do last night that was yellow?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
