if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
