Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
