Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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