thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
