dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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