I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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