So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
