dude i'm inner monologue high
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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