i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
