Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
