We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
