Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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