I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
