just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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