so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
