just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
