do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
