just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
