ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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