i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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