Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
