this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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