Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
