I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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