my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
