Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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